i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I love you. Go after that dick
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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