Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This house was built for laser tag.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
