My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Houston, we have a blender
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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