im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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