Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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