Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
