That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
