Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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