Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
