Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
