Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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