I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
