Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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