Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
