I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
