we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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