dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
