I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
4 words: hood of his car
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
