i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
