I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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