i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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