he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
