dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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