So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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