that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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