ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize