You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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