Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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