ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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