I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
