I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
