why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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