I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
