shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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