She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
