apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
