I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
