are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
