I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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