I just cut my nipple shaving
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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