My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
