i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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