I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
