just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
