We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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