you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
