um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
