yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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