Your dad touched me again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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