You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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