let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize