He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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