Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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