why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
