the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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