i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
