The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
