Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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