Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
