There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm passing your future prison.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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