The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
