guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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