there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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