even my farts smell like vagina
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
