If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
