Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
