im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
