There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
