i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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