sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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