She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
