did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just googled if crying burns calories
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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