Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
