dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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