the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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