Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
