you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
