remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
