Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
