So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
