Me too!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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