I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
