That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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