Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
