i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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